Better Sex Tips

Variations and Enhancements

Conscious Breathing

Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the massaging partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them leads to wonderful sensations. Just don’t hyperventilate…

Finishing with Intercourse

Some partners (especially opposite-sex couples) like to finish with intercourse rather than the blanket-wrapping I’ve described. Since most massage tables are sturdy enough to support two people, near the end of the massage one partner can climb on top the other and they can both fuck themselves to what are often very powerful orgasms. Thus, they can finish locked in each others’ embrace (although even without intercourse the standing partner can lean over and embrace the receiving partner’s upper body, or else just gently rest his or her hands on the receiving partner).
Despite what mainstream pornography tends to portray, women don’t usually have orgasms from intercourse alone. However, a woman is MUCH more likely to experience orgasm during intercourse if she has had one or more orgasms (especially of the G-Spot variety) before intercourse commences. Popular positions for male-female intercourse include missionary and woman-on-top (which allow face-to-face intimacy) and “doggie style” (which allows the woman to easily rub her clitoris while being penetrated).

The “Big Draw”

This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body Electric School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be becoming more and more energetic, building and building. At a certain point (counted down to verbally, so both partners know when it’s coming) massage and any other touch ceases, the person on the table takes seven very deep breaths, and while holding the seventh breath clenches every muscle in his or her body and rolls his or her eyes back in his or her head (possibly assuming a tense position with torso and legs a bit off the table, as in a “crunch”) for about 10 seconds. He or she then completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the standing person gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body. For maximum effect the music should be quite “cosmic” at this point, and the person performing the massage shouldn’t touch the person on the table (who has his or her eyes closed, or who has a blindfold on) for at least five minutes or until the person on the table requests otherwise. This practice can provoke profound emotional release, and often hallucinations. Afterwards, the standing partner opens the cocooned sheets, gently towels off any oil, helps his or her partner to sit up, and then both partners either keep silence or say what is in their heart. It’s fun to follow the Big Draw with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It’s helpful to use a pre-arranged and timed music tape. Ideally, there should be five seconds of silence immediately following the Big Draw, and possibly during it. Music should have been building to that point, and should resume with something really beautiful after the silence following the Big Draw (”Gabriel’s Oboe” from The Mission soundtrack, or “With This Love” from Peter Gabriel’s Passion soundtrack, for example).

Incorporating PC Muscle Contractions (”Kegels”)

Contractions of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle are associated with increased sexual pleasure for both men and women. This muscle may be identified by noticing what muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when you are urinating (without moving your torso or legs); it’s the same one. The PC muscle can be exercised by contracting and releasing it; one approach is to rhythmically contract when inhaling and relax when exhaling.
Generally, the stronger the PC muscle is, the more intense one’s orgasms can be. The PC muscle can also be repeatedly contracted and relaxed at various times during sex (such as during G-Spot stimulation, or during male ejaculation) to increase pleasure. Men can use the PC muscle to prevent ejaculation; this is done by holding the breath while either strongly bearing down (”pushing out”) or tightly squeezing (”holding in”) using the pelvic muscles.

Prostate Stimulation

An advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man’s prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome shape found in the direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate, you should wear latex gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton balls around your fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of lube. Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is that it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to the bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an easier time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context. Please see either The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Anal Pleasure and Health for more details. Pressing on the prostate gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close to ejaculation, can feel wonderful. It is also possible for some men to have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate stimulation alone.

Simultaneous Pleasuring

Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other, heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation is imminent will allow play to continue.